I didn't really know how else to tell you exactly what's been on my mind lately, writing it down seems to be the best idea, although I have no idea if you're actually going to read this or not. (I wrote it in a letter last night)
I do know where the emptiness comes from. I've always know. Since before I met you, it's always been there. This huge hole in my heart. When I see everyone couple-ing up it makes it worse because its the thought that I will never have that. I don't have someone to hold and tell "I love you" to. Someone who loves me back.
When I was little I always told myself I would never settle for less than love. I wanted my prince charming. I always had these high standards. I wanted the smart, trustworthy, confident, funny guy who understood me better than anyone else and would come in and sweep me off my feet. You were that guy.
Much like you said, when i was with you it was like nothing else mattered, nobody else existed. Time stopped. Looking back to our first walk, that night nobody else mattered. It was just you and me sharing outselves with each other.
That quote from Big Fish truely does apply.
"The first time you were early, this time you were late."
But what I want you to know is that I will be here for you, forever. As a best friend, girlfriend, whatever we may be. Because I will always love you. Something you said to me one night that I remembered, I dunno if you remember or not...
"Will you be mine?" "Yes." "Forever?" "Forever." "I'm gonna remember that in the
morning, it's too important to forget."
When I said it, I did mean it.
You said that you and I have totally different views on relationships. I don't think that's true. I'm looking for somebody to love. To stay with, I'm sick of two week relationships.
Back to what would make me happy. Having you. That would make me happy. Being able to see you, kiss you, lay in your arms. That would make me happy. Everyday I miss you terribly. I know you may think I'm an idiot for saying this, or don't believe me but I would wait for you. I would hold you in my heart till we could be together. Am I silly for that?
I know thinking about Hannah makes you sad. I know you can't stop thinking about her. I know that it's not something you can control. She may not ever leave your heart. But to throw another quote your way:
"You never stop loving someone. You just learn to love them in a different way."
Which is true. Part of me still loves Trav. And everytime you told me her opinion didn't matter or you didn't care about...well anything converning her, I knew you were lying. Just because I know you just as well as you know me. I can tell these things. But I don't mention them because I know it hurts you.
Im going to ask you what you meant when you said "I learned what I did to girls and it didn't even stop me from doing it again." I have a feeling I know what you meant, but I think I want to hear it from you.
Anyways, you're starting to slightly worry me. You were drunk for almost 2 days straight this weekend. I don't want you to overdo it. But again, I won't say anything because it's not my place. Asking you to stop wouldn't make you stop and it wouldn't help anything. It's who you are, I'll worry about you either way.
Hmm anyways, I'm done writing in here for this. I dunno if you still read this or not but if you do, well, there ya go. If not, your loss.
Kit.
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